"You Are Mine"

I'm not sure where this came from, because obviously I've never kissed a boy, but hey it was floating around in my head and I wrote it down. I'm kinda embarrassed of it. Not because I think it's bad, but because...I've never kissed a boy so it's weird...I dunno...but my face is turning all red. And no, it's not about anyone. Anyway:

"You Are Mine" -Kayla McKelvey

A moment stolen from time
Breath mingling, hearts dancing
You are mine

This is not another fantasy
This is a moment I can see
A moment I can finally believe in
This moment bordering on sin

Hold me, like the world is ending
and you’ll never breath again

I cannot feel but your love
I cannot see but your face
Flying into the sky
Leaving behind this place

You find me,
Lying on the ground,
but you save me
This moment can never end

This perfect moment
Time and time again
With hope racing through the sky
Like a banner of light
flying high,
and close to me

You are my clarity
The beat that fills my heart
The sparkle in my eyes
You are mine
You are mine

What time is it? Summer time!!!! (Stupid High School Musical, making it bad for me to say this!)

So far, I've had a pretty great summer. I was sad when I didn't get into AGS, but now that I think about it, I would've been sad if I had gone. I now have the chance to hang out with my friends, write on my story, listen to my music on MY laptop, and go to Oklahoma for two weeks. All of which, I've been enjoying while NOT at AGS :).

This week has been really fun. I hung out with Kenna a bunch. Of course we got on the internet, I talked her ear off, we went to the gym, we went walking without shoes (ow.), and we played the piano for an hour and a half. Twas great fun, and I'm still exhausted.

Today I slept...most of the day, and then Kenna, Sam, Anna, Brian, and I all went to Somthing's Brewing for Irish Music Night. We basically sat around and talked, we had soda's and water, Brian had fries (and I stole some), and I inhaled an entire blueberry muffin in about 15 seconds. Then, around 8:30 we got bored and left. We weren't done having fun yet though, so we walked downtown to Simon Park. Then, we just chilled out. Joel Ludford stopped by for a bit, not quite sure why, and gave us a good laugh. As I said to Kenna and Sam, "Sometimes I love that boy, and sometimes I can't stand him. It all depends on what mood he's in, and how much he's smoked." Anyway, today I liked him. We got wet, messed with the fountain, and proclaimed our love for one another. Lol. Then I came home and watched the end of "My Fair Lady" with sissy and Christopher.

Now the "Deep" stuff: I don't want to get sad on you, but I'm just going to type what I feel and I'm not sure what's gonna come out. I'm sorry if it brings you down, or if you think I'm complaining too much (which I know I sometimes do). I'm confused about myself right now. I've realized that I am generally happy with the way that I'm progressing in my life right now. I'm working on a book and I really think that if I do it right, it will be very good. I'm trying my hardest, but no one seems extremely interested. I know people have there own stuff to worry about, but it's never a good feeling when YOU'RE excited about something and no one else is.

I am a little sad, because I have a hopeless, pointless, and STUPID crush on someone who doesn't even know I exist...yet. I want to get to know him better, but I know myself too well. Problem one: I sort of loath the way I look, and don't think that anyone can be attracted to me. (Don't freak out and be all "Kayla you're beautiful!" it won't work. It's the way I feel, and I know that I'm the only one who can change it. I just don't know how yet.) Problem two: When I flirt, try to be funny, try to talk to...ect. someone I like, I look like a dumbass. Everything I say comes out "I'm an idiot." Doesn't matter if I'm trying to say "Hey, the weather's nice, eh?" it comes out either "dkal;fhaghfjdsa; fdjsa" or "I'm an idiot". I know this, but I am too afraid to try and fix it. Reason being: To fix it, I must practice. And I HATE looking like an idiot. So, crushes suck, and whoever invented them should be shoved into a bus and driven over a cliff.

I think that I have the best friend in the entire world! She get's me, and we get along really well. I love hanging out with her, and we always seem to have a good time. I don't like getting sappy, emotional, or overly appreciative of people so I'm gonna leave it at that. I just thought that she should know is all. :)

I hate PMS, because I like to think that I'm a very rational and logical person. I don't like thinking that I'm very emotional, or that my emotions can seriously effect all of my dicisions. Mom said that I'm really emotional when PMSing though, and now I'm sad. Lol, really though, I don't like thinking that I'm WAY emotional...too bad I am. *Sigh*

I'd like to say that I think that I'm extremely funny, but I also think that when I try to be funny I sound really dumb. I was talking to Chris about how I think alot of people seem to be like that. If you tell someone, "Hey, be funny, right now." they will probably come up with something along the lines of, "Uh...I'm an elephant!!!!". So I'm not feeling too bad about it, I just think it's annoying that my brain is wired in this way. :(

Now, after this extremely odd and random blogpost, I'm going to: A)Eat some food B)Write another chapter in my story C)Check up on my obsession with FF D)Take a shower E)Go to bed

F) All of the above :P

TTFN
~Kayla

Oh how I wish I had a story like THIS!

I found this, accidentally, on xanga. I just had to share it. I don't know the person that I stole it from, but whoever they are (if they're reading this), they had me in a small fit of giggles. I sure wish that my blogs fonts didn't change hers. Her fonts really pulled me into the story. I just thought that this was clever, quirky, and fun :)

In case you want to read it with her fonts:

http://noree-n.xanga.com/705562677/my-awesome-4th-grade-flirting-skills/

ANYWAYS, On with the story:

My 4th Grade Flirting Skills ~By: Noree_n

When I was in the 4th grade, I fell deeply in love with my classmate named Chris. In my 9 year old mind, Chris was everything I ever wanted; he had blond hair, and he was 4’10’’ tall. I have forgotten what kind of weird elementary school fantasies I had about him (and I don’t want to remember), but I knew I wanted him for myself and myself only.





But, as fate would have it, Chris was the most popular boy in the fourth grade. 84% of all the girls in my grade were in love with Chris.


This only meant that I had to try harder.


Lucky for me, our last names began with the same letter, so our alphabetically assigned seats were right across from each other.


Yessss.


But Unlucky for me, this seating arrangement didn’t really make a difference because of what an awkward flirt I was.


One day when our teacher was out of the room making copies, I had a bright-lightbulb-above-the-head-worthy idea.





Using my feet, I took his shoe off.


Yes, I reached my legs under the desk and took his shoe off of his foot. I don’t know how I managed to do that or why, and even today I wish I could go back in time to find out how I did it.


But the important thing was that I had his shoe. So now he had a shoeless right foot and I had a 3rd sneaker under my side of the table. I reached down, grabbed his shoe, and waved it around in the air.





Pretty good, eh?


NO. That wasn’t enough. I took his shoe, and threw it.


Yes…I threw it.


I was actually aiming at the recycling bin but…lucky lucky me at that very second my teacher walks back into the room and my crush’s shoe hits her right in the stomach.


It was extremely obvious that I threw it, seeing that my right hand was still up in the air, and it was also extremely obvious whose foot the lone shoe belonged to, seeing that Chris was the only shoeless person in the room.


Needless to say, we both got detention.


Oh, but the story doesn’t end there! A year later in 5th grade, Chris ended up asking me out on a date.


But I said no because by then I had fallen deeply in love with a different boy.

When you know what you want...but you really don't

It's infuriating! I'm going on a mini-rant here! I hate my brain so much right now, because I know what I want! I do! I just can't seem to finish it and get it onto paper!!!!!!!!!!!! *ROARS WITH FURY* I have these two great character-types in my head, but I don't know how to employ *snickers* them!! I want to start an action-y/adventure/funny story, but I don't know how to make my characters special. What are they going through, and why? I need somewhere for them to be, and stuff to be happening to them! How am I, and ordinary and rather boring girl, supposed to figure this out!! "IMAGINATION KAYLA!" You may scream, but alas, appearantly I've lost mine!! I can't seem to think! I'm going to try to just start writing the characters out, and see if my typing skills take over...but I wish I knew what I wanted to do already. I hate waiting. Kenna's already heard all of this, but I wanted to whine and complain about it a little longer. I might put this on Facebook too, just so that I can yell more!

Also, it's come to my attention that one of my relatives might be checking out my blog soon. Just a warning to them: I'm an angry, rambling, ranting, venting, and sometimes cussing teenager. So, read at your own risk. :)

That's all

TTFN
Kayla

15 Books

So I saw this thing on Facebook, and thought it was interesting...but of course I'm not going to follow all of the rules. I'm just going to run with the idea and make it my own. So here is what this is: I'm going to write fifteen books that are unforgettable. You're supposed to write them as fast as possible, but I'm just going to take my time. These fifteen books impacted my life in some way, and are very important to me. I think it's funny, because I've never been able to choose my favorite books...but right now that's exactly what I'm trying to do.

1. To Kill A Mockingbird- Harper Lee
2. Moonraker's Bride- Peter O'Donnell under the female pseudonym Madeleine Brent
3. Homeless Bird- Gloria Whelan
4. The Outsiders- S.E. Henton
5. The Watchers- Dean Koontz
6. Tricksters Choice & Tricksters Queen- Tamora Pierce
7. Protector of the Small (Quartet)- Tamora Pierce
8. Harry Potter (Series)- J.K. Rowling
9. Inkheart- Cornelia Funke (It opened my eyes to a new way of reading and writing.)
10. Dragon Rider- Cornelia Funke
11. Green Angel- Alice Hoffman
12. Maximum Ride- James Patterson
13. Junie B. Jones- Barbara Parks
14. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland- Lewis Carroll
15. The Bible

I feel the need to explain a few of these...so sorry. In case you're thinking I have no taste in books on 1 or two of them, then know they made the list because they changed my life or my thought process in a way so that I can never go back. I would have done "Fight Club" because it did, but there weren't enough numbers and everyone that knows me already knows that I give that book the thumbs up. I wrote my AGS letter about it.

12. Maximum Ride is on the list. I like the books, so don't think I'm disrespecting Patterson. I LOVE his characteization, it's something I'll always strive to at least acheive if not overcome. I kind of wish that I were a bit more like Max sometimes, and it's a good plot. However, non of that is why it's on the list. I've wanted to be an author for...forever I think, and I never thought I could achieve that "Author" status. I never thought I could be good enough. I read this thing in "The Bedford Reader" which also almost made the list, and it was talking about how you have to look at the writer's work as if they are just another person you know...because they make mistakes too. I guess it really hit me when I read the Max books and I realized, that James Patterson could be a better author. He's not BAD, it's just, there are plot holes and pointless fluff scenes...it was the first time that it dawned on me that I wasn't just a kid with a hopeless dream.

13. Junie B. Jones is just awesome. Barbara Park is brilliant. She changed her writing to sound like a 5 year old, but it's still enthralling. It's a stylistic masterpiece in my mind. It's on the list because it was one of the first series that I LOVED, and it was the first time I ever thought about being a writer. I force my little sister to read them (Not really, she already loves them, but I enable by spending money on new ones for her if I can).

Can't Break Away From This Insanity

I’m in “a mood” of sorts(I’m not exactly sure what that means to you)...I’m not positive how to explain it, so I shall do my best. Some interesting things have been going on in this head of mine, most of them confusing and complicated. So what else is new? I can’t seem to shake this feeling, like something’s about to happen. Something big. I’m not sure what, and I hate to sound pessimistic but I don’t think it’s very good. I’v been feeling weirdly lonely lately. You might say, “Well, Kayla, obviously you should call your friends and hang out with them. Duh, I though you were smart or something...” but it’s not like that. Even when I’m with my friends there’s this weight, this inexpressible sadness inside of me. I guess the thing is, I’m back to this point in which I don’t think anyone’s on the same page as me. Don’t get me wrong, a few of my friends understand me better than anyone I’ve ever met, but sometimes even all of that isn’t enough. I’m sure you’ve all felt the same. No matter how much they understand and love me, they never ARE me therefore they can never completely get me.

I used to have nightmares. Insanely, wickedly, dark nightmares that had me tossing and turning and waking up gasping for air and trying to hold my frantic heart inside my chest while doing my best not to cry. That was probably a year or two ago. It’s not a big deal. Everyone has nightmares. I just...I had them all of the time, practically every night, and of course that’s never fun. I had reoccurring nightmares...the whole enchilada. I finally got rid of them for a while. They weren’t that bad, and I wasn’t having that many, and now they’re back. I can’t shake them. I don’t even understand a lot of them, and I usually pick apart my dreams because I think that they are a significant part of my conscious trying to tell me something that I may be keeping from myself (Deep right? lol). These though, I
don’t even like thinking about them when they’re over. I’m actually ignoring them.

I’m being weird, and I’m not sure why. Lol, what I mean is that my behavior is...not
exactly me. I’m not sure what to think of it. I think it’s just the summer, but it’s still really unusual for me. I’ve practically stopped eating, haha. Hard to believe, right? I’m always the one that has the granola bars stuffed away up my sleeves or something. I’m ALWAYS munching...but you guys know that. I only eat like once a day now...and not that much. Unless of course, I’m around Kenna, she’s been shoveling food onto my plate ;p Thanks. I don’t know what’s to blame for my sudden loss of appetite. I guess it’s just me being weird. My car’s a mess. If you’ve been in my car at some point this year you know I’m like...a perfectionist about my car being clean. For perhaps a month and a half now my car has been getting steadily worse. It’s, to me, disgusting. :’( I love emoticons. My room WAS intermediately clean, now it’s ALL mess.

I feel like I’m trapped. I’m suffocating and I’m not sure why. I’ve been doing my own
thing, but maybe that’s it. I’ve finally realized that I can’t escape myself...that sounded depressing, but it’s true. Sometimes, I just...*sigh* I feel like my entire thought process is whacked. I don’t think like other people do. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing. I like the way I think, and look at things. I have an interesting perspective on almost everything. That’s the only way for me to explain it. If you’ve heard me talk about things then you know. I have a complicated and...different thought process than most. Usually, I like it. It makes me feel unique, which let’s face it, is every ordinary girl’s dream. I’m just sick of
the looks of “Wha???” and the drool coming out of mouths that are agape in confusion.
There are so few people that know how to look at something and SEE it. There are so few people that I can talk about things with and it’s a little isolating sometimes.

I have a hopeless and unrequited crush, and what girl likes that? Bleh. It’s so not me. Ick. Oh well, I’ll get over it in a few weeks probably. *Sigh* Hopefully...

Anyway, now's not the time to fret over good or bad things that may or may not happen in the near future. That's all I have for now. I loveth you all. Take care. <3

TTFN
Kayla

When you expect lemons, and life gives you lemonade...

So things have been going pretty well lately. I was going completely insane and hating all life, but I think I'm doing better now. I had about a month and a half in which I hated everyone and everything, but some good things happen, and I don't have enough energy to keep up a bad attitude for long. Kris Allen won American Idol, WHOO!My friends Kenna and Margo came over a few days before the American Idol Finale and we all had a blast. We'd planned to watch a movie, but of course we couldn't concentrate that long :). We watched the beginning of Sandlot, and then we played ERS. Margo and I had a wrestle/tickle fight, which was hilarious, and then when Margo left Kenna and I just laid on the floor listening to music for a little while. We just talked about how stressed we'd been, what was going on with us, whatever. It was cool. Then my mom came in and told a really corny, yet funny, joke and we laughed until we cried. It was really nice.

Last night Kenna came to stay the night. AND, drumroll please, .....I got a new bookshelf!!!! YAY! Kenna and I sat staring at it for about 10 to 15 minutes, deciding whether we should attempt to put it together without Larry or not. We chose not. We basically just chilled out for a while, mostly Kenna watched me clean my room, and then after a while we fell asleep in the living room watching Sandlot.

Today I finished cleaning my room, and Larry helped me assemble my bookshelf. It's amazing. This new one, plus the itty-bitty old one, hold ALL of my books. *CHEER**CLAP*SCREAM**JUMP UP AND DOWN* It's truly beautiful.

AND!!! I saved the best for last. I have successfully defeated my writer's block!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I figured out what I'm going to do in the sequel, AND I wrote three chapters on the rewrite of the beginning of my first book! YAY! I'm still writing too!

So yeah, life is pretty grand. What do you do when you expect lemons, and life gives you lemonade? REJOICE! and appreciate what God has given you.

:)

Kayla